An In-Depth (and Slightly Fishy) Economic Forecast from the Resident Cat Economist of Castle Droughmoore
By Mr. Fuzz, Feline Analyst of the Dusk Wing, Knight of the Tuna Table, and Senior Gravy Strategist
Executive Summary: 2026 Will Be a Year of Volatility, Viscosity, and Very Questionable Human Decisions
As the humans nervously stare into the murky broth of 2026’s economy, I, Mr. Fuzz of Castle Droughmoore, have chosen to publish my authoritative forecast on what the next year holds. While traditional economists consult charts, models, and panic attacks, I prefer to base my predictions on fish gravy viscosity trends, pantry hoarding patterns, scratch-post market volatility, and whatever Lucien left sitting on the kitchen counter.
And I regret to inform you: the fish gravy futures market is shaky.
1. Fish Gravy Inflation Will Peak by Mid‑2026
For the last three years, Castle Droughmoore has seen a dramatic rise in fish gravy prices. What once cost a single shiny coin (or one yowling demand) now requires:
- 2–3 shiny coins,
- a formal request form,
- and possibly sacrificing a mouse to the Pantry Spirits.
The 2026 outlook suggests inflation will continue until late summer, driven by:
- Supply chain disruptions (the trout union is striking again),
- Human incompetence, and
- Lucien eating emergency rations at 3 a.m. in a vampiric haze.
By Q3, prices should stabilize, mostly because consumers will have stopped buying fish gravy in order to pay for electricity, rent, and those weird subscription services they forgot they signed up for.
2. Human Economy: Still a Mess, Possibly Worse
Human financial experts warn that 2026 may bring:
- A continuing wave of layoffs
- Persistently high prices
- Stagnant wages
- Rent increases so absurd that even a seasoned cat thief couldn’t steal enough to cover them
Meanwhile, my analysis shows:
- Consumer Confidence: Lower than the time SadSpud fell off the pantry shelf into a box of red onions
- Savings Rates: About as empty as Cranberry Therapist’s appointment book in January
- Corporate Profits: Strangely fine, almost suspiciously fine (someone check their gravy vaults)
As for writers, which Castle Droughmoore has in abundance, 2026 looks like a year where many will survive by combining:
- digital hustle, like taking people to buy fish gravy or shopping for fish gravy for other people,
- caffeine overdoses,
- and sobbing quietly in candlelit rooms, in order to survive the coming economic chaos.
3. The Cat Gravy Index (CGI): A Leading Indicator
The Cat Gravy Index, a proprietary measurement based on how quickly residents of Castle Droughmoore panic if the gravy stock drops below 20 cans, shows increased volatility.
CGI Forecast:
- January–April: Frenzied scratching at pantry doors
- May–September: Hoarding phase (expect Butterworth to try to butter the cans "for preservation")
- October–December: Acceptance, despair, sudden switch to turkey gravy
If CGI spikes above 8.5 this spring, economists warn it may signal a national recession, or at least indicate that Lucien is cooking again.
4. Employment Trends: More Side Hustles, Fewer Surviving Humans
Humans will continue their proud tradition of working:
- three jobs,
- two side gigs,
- and one passion project that pays in exposure and vibes.
The gig economy is expected to expand into new fields, including:
- Professional Pantry Organizer (to hide snacks from Lucien),
- Broccoli Emotional Support Coach,
- Butter Stick Life Consultant, and
- Fish Gravy Sommelier (I will personally oversee certification exams).
Meanwhile, layoffs across tech, media, and retail will continue. By September 2026, analysts predict:
- 1 in 4 humans may become freelance something
- 1 in 10 will attempt homesteading
- 1 in 3 will consider becoming a cat but give up due to grooming expectations
5. Housing Market: Still Unaffordable Unless You Are a Goblin or Ghost
Rent will remain high in 2026, with some cities reaching:
- "Haunted Castle" levels of pricing,
- "One Soul and Firstborn Child" deposits,
- or "Bring your own walls" leases.
Castle Droughmoore’s own housing market report reveals:
- Goblins: Stable occupancy
- Spectral Boarders: Increasing due to rising cost of afterlife maintenance
- Cats: Secure, because we do not pay rent and never will
6. Stock Market Outlook: Chaos Flavored With Sardine Oil
The stock market will experience:
- spikes,
- dips,
- tantrums,
- and at least one week where an obscure fish-based startup becomes the hottest thing since cryptocurrency.
I personally expect:
- Tech stocks: Overhyped
- Food stocks: Volatile
- Cat treat stocks: Stable and clearly the only safe investment
Investors are advised to diversify their portfolios with:
- tuna futures,
- scratching-post timber rights,
- and any company not run by a guy named Chad.
7. Mr. Fuzz’s Strategic Recommendations for Surviving 2026
For Humans:
- Stockpile fish gravy early before inflation spikes.
- Do not rely on a single income stream unless you enjoy suffering.
- Avoid candle chess sets.
- Keep Lucien out of the pantry.
For Cats:
- Establish dominance over all food bowls.
- Learn to open cabinets; don’t rely on your humans.
- Practice the “Starving Wail” for maximum emotional leverage.
- Consider investing in canned salmon.
For Sentient Foods:
- Stay away from Butterworth during butter season.
- Beware SadSpud’s economic commentary—it gets dark.
- Form a union; everyone else has.
Conclusion: 2026 Will Be Uncertain, But Also Hilarious
The economy may wobble, inflation may rise, humans may panic, and the gravy supply may dwindle—but through it all, cats like me will continue to nap luxuriously in sunbeams, lick our paws, and judge everyone’s financial decisions.
And remember: when in doubt, follow the gravy.
Signed,
Sir Mr. Fuzz
Supreme Economist of Castle Droughmoore
Defender of the Sardine Treasury
Master of the Midnight Gravy Raid
Final Commentary from The Gravy
A thick, resonant gurgling is heard in the distance...
“Well well well… another year, another economic analysis written by a creature who thinks licking his own fur counts as professional development.
Let me tell you all something about 2026: it’s going to be lumpy. Not bad. Not good. Lumpy. Like reheated mashed potatoes. Like Butterworth after he falls asleep next to the radiator. Like the stock market every time someone tweets something stupid.
Fish gravy prices? Oh, they’ll rise. They always rise. I have risen every year since 1327. The mortals may call it inflation—I call it destiny.
Humans will panic. Cats will smugly not. Sentient foods will unionize, then forget why during their snack break. Meanwhile, I’ll be here… simmering… waiting… watching interest rates like I watch a pot that absolutely WILL boil if you leave the room.
My prediction for 2026? Prepare your spoons. You’re going to need them.
And Mr. Fuzz—stop blaming me for pantry volatility. That was Lucien. It is always Lucien.