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Naughty Reads 10 - Mountain Men and the Nymphomaniac
A botanist, working for the Department of Forests, is sent into the mountains to collect seeds and specimens in order to genetically modify trees so that they grow taller and faster. While on her trip, she runs into a group of mountain men who are more than willing to show her a few of the biggest trees on the mountain. After all, it’s all about big wood and long, thick branches.
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Chapter 1
Tree Experiments
Daisy Adroit walked down the rows of foot tall trees in the experimental greenhouse. They were all too small. They’d been growing for a month, and none of the trees had more than one leaf. This was not the result Big Log Research Center wanted when they spliced apple and cherry trees with a mix of Crabapple, Hawthorne and Ironwood. What they wanted was a tree that would grow from a seed to fruit baring in less than a year. This latest batch wasn’t going to do it. Daisy’s boss was going to be pissed and for good reason.
Big Log Research Center was a subsidiary of Fruits Forever, and they were busily buying up all the available farmland in the state to create vast groves of food trees. They wanted apples, cherries, oranges, lemons, avocados and maple trees, and they weren’t willing to wait for trees to mature to fill those fields. Once they got the fruit trees, they wanted to go into nuts. Walnuts and pecans, specifically. Eventually, they wanted to be the number one producer of everything tree.
“How do they look?”
Daisy turned her head. It was her boss, Floyd. “Not good. These have been growing a month, and it’s normal growth.
“Shit,” Floyd said. “So the latest batch of gene splicing and super fertilizer didn’t work.”
“Not even a little bit,” Daisy said. “I can show you the data.”
“It’s okay. I can see it,” Floyd said as he stepped beside her and looked across the vast tables of trees. “This is not the big wood they want.”
“I think we need to try a different tree,” Daisy said.
“We have the most robust trees on the planet to splice with,” Floyd said.
“Well, we need something else,” Daisy said. “And I’ve been researching.”
“What’d you find?” Floyd asked.
“There’s a rare tree that may work. It’s a Kumuppakace Erectica,” Daisy said.
Floyd laughed. “A cum tree.”
“That’s what the natives call it,” Daisy said. “It can grow to over four hundred feet tall. It’s got a wide base, long branches, thick leaves...”
“Does it drip sap?”
“It does,” Daisy said. “So it may be great for maple tree splicing.”
“Who do we order it from?” Floyd asked.
“You don’t,” Daisy said. “It’s only located in the mountains on one ridge. It’s extremely rare.”
“Is it hard to grow?” Floyd asked.
“Supposedly not, but no one has cultivated it. It’s more of a curiosity, and due to it’s size and location, no one has harvested it.”
“Due to the expense,” Floyd said.
“Right,” Daisy said.
“Well, a sapling wouldn’t be hard to pack,” Floyd said.
“No, it wouldn’t, but it’s going to take a week of hiking just to get there, and that’s once you get to the base of the mountain,” Daisy said. “The only people that have been there are other researchers and extreme sportsmen.”
“But they didn’t have a helicopter,” Floyd said.
“I bet some of them did,” Daisy said.
“Well, they didn’t have our pilot,” Floyd said. “Look, I can’t send this in. The CEO of Fruits Forever will eat me alive.”
“When’s the next report due?” Daisy asked.
“Four weeks,” Floyd said.
“Shit.”
“Yeah, so I need to get you up there. You have a week to ten days to get the saplings and samples. Once you get back, we need those saplings in soil and spliced. If we’re lucky, that’ll give us two weeks of growing time, and they damned well better look better than this, or it’s our asses.”
“Who’s the team?” Daisy asked.
“You. I can’t get anyone else. They’re on other projects.”
“Researching the nut trees,” Daisy said.
“Right. You know that’s coming up, and they will eventually fall in our laps, but we’re behind,” Floyd said.
“Shit,” Daisy said.
“Did that setup we give you last year for the jungle work well?”
“It did. It was an entire popup house,” Daisy said. “It even had air conditioning and heat. Not that I needed the heat.”
“All right. I’m going to send you with the popup house and lab, two weeks of food. Is there anything else you need?”
“No. I’ll pack whatever else I need. All those things come with all the equipment,” Daisy said.
“Don’t they pop with a button push?” Floyd asked.
“They do,” Daisy said.
“I can’t send weapons. You have your own?” Floyd asked.
“I’ll bring my guns and knives,” Daisy said.
“And we’ll give you a satellite phone like we did last time so you can call with progress updates and if you need anything. We can just drop it in,” Floyd said.
“I guess I better pack,” Daisy said. “When am I leaving?”
“As soon as I can get everything here. Tomorrow morning,” Floyd said. “I’ll call you in a couple hours with an exact time. The helicopter will leave from here.”
“I’ll be ready,” Daisy said.
“Stop by my office before you leave for the day,” Floyd said.
Daisy watched him leave the greenhouse. She knew this was serious because he hadn’t touched her. Normally, he had his hands all over her from the moment he walked into any room she was in. It was irritating, but she understood. They were in deep shit if they couldn’t get these trees to grow.
Daisy walked into her office and packed her notes and a durable laptop into a briefcase along with a power adapter and a portable solar power supply.
Once she had everything she needed, she took the elevator up to Floyd’s office on the fourth floor. Daisy knocked on the door.
“Come in,” Floyd said.
Daisy walked in to see him on the phone. She sat down on the couch and waited. It was just before noon. She figured she could be completely packed by three if she left fairly soon. Her house was forty minutes away from the research center.
“Is five too early for you?” Floyd asked as he covered the mic with his hand.
“I have a forty-minute drive,” Daisy said. “I’d prefer seven.”
Floyd uncovered the mic. “Be here at seven.” He ended the call a minute later. “The helicopter will be here at seven.”
“I’ll be here,” Daisy said. She stood from the couch. “I’ll see you when I get back.”
“Give me a progress update on anything major,” Floyd said.
“I will,” she said as she walked out of his office. Daisy figured she’d be going to the bar tonight. Seven was early, but not so early that she couldn’t spend a few hours relaxing before she was dropped into the middle of a mountain forest.
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The Tiny Vampire From Outer Space That's Bitey VIII - Hidden Agendas - Coming Soon
With the appearance of his old boss and ex-Bonded, Marcus is more than a little leery. These vampires are either going to be allies or competition. The race is on for Marcus to expand his businesses and take over Beach City before Caesar and Galla beat him to it or severely hinder his progress in turning Earth into a Vampire haven for his family.
Chapter 1
Sacs
Marcus rolled over and wrapped his arms around Shadow. He was probably going to get bit. She was usually hungry first thing in the evening, but he still wanted to hold her.
Shadow yawned and stretched.
Marcus kissed the side of her face.
“You’re still in bed,” Shadow said.
“I am,” Marcus said. “How do you feel?”
“Bloated. These are definitely coming tonight,” Shadow said.
“Right now or later?” Marcus asked.
“Later,” Shadow said. “They’re not moving yet.”
Marcus kissed her then stopped.
“What?” Shadow asked. She knew he wanted to stick his mutto into her.
“Have we expelled in this house?” Marcus asked.
“I don’t think so. I don’t remember,” Shadow said.
“But I haven’t built that expellation room, have I?” Marcus asked.
“No,” Shadow said.
“We have that extra room up here. I’ll do it now,” Marcus said.
“I thought you wanted to...”
“I do,” Marcus said. “But I want you to be comfortable, and those sacs are coming soon. I can bury my mutto inside you at any time, providing your not expelling.”
Shadow laughed. “But maybe I wanted to.”
“I know you do. I can feel it,” Marcus said as he slid out of the bed. He helped Shadow out of it and looked at her abdomen. “You’re right. They’re coming tonight.”
Shadow looked down at her abdomen. “Unholy Hades. You’d think I was carrying three.”
“I think you’ve got two males,” Marcus said.
“Is this eighteen?” Shadow asked.
“I think so,” Marcus said.
Shadow grinned. “You lost count!”
“It’s either eighteen or twenty,” Marcus said. “I’ve got a lot of sons and daughters down there.” He motioned to the basement.
“All yours,” Shadow said.
“All mated childer, and I couldn’t be prouder,” Marcus said. “Let me get this room done. Can you feed yourself?”
“Yeah, I’ll just have a couple Umbra Ones,” Shadow said.
“What kind of chair do you want?” Marcus asked. “Did you like the one on the ship?”
“I did, but it needed more padding,” Shadow said.
“And I’d prefer it had a little basket or something to catch them if I’m not around,” Marcus said. “I’ll make one. The Erector has about two-thousand chair designs.”
Shadow inhaled. “You better hurry.”
“Did one just start moving?” Marcus asked.
“It did,” Shadow said.
“Go eat. It’ll probably be a couple hours yet. I’ll make the room.” Marcus grabbed a pair of sweatpants and slid them on. “You can stay naked. We’ll shower after.”
Shadow hopped downstairs while Marcus grabbed the Erector so he could finish the expellation room. She ordered two Umbra Ones. She was starving.
By the time they appeared, she could feel herself starting to stretch.
“You better wait for breakfast,” Shadow told her sacs. She did not want to expell on an empty stomach. She picked up the first Umbra One and drained it. Shadow set the container on the counter. The sacs were starting to feel good. [Are you almost done?]
[Almost. Are they coming fast?] Marcus asked.
[They’re starting to feel good,] Shadow said.
[Almost done. You can come up here,] Marcus said.
Shadow drained her second Umbra One. She left the kitchen and started to walk up the stairs. She gasped. [Can you help me?]
[On my way.] Marcus wasn’t finished, but he set the Erector down and left the new room. He found Shadow at the bottom of the stairs, clutching the railing. He bounded down the stairs and lifted her into his arms. “I guess they’re not waiting.”
“They are really ready,” Shadow said then moaned. She squirmed. “Marcus, hurry.”
Marcus carried her up the stairs and into the new room. He set her on her feet. “Well, they can come. I just need to put a few finishing touches in here, like the chair.” He could hear Shadow panting and moaning as he built the chair. Those sacs were definitely coming. So much for a two hour window. It’d been forty-five minutes at most. “Done.”
“Marcus, it’s coming now!” Shadow screamed and shook.
Marcus turned around. She had a sac between her legs. “Don’t move. One came out.”
“I told you it was coming!”
Marcus walked over to her. He leaned down and kissed her. “You did that one almost by yourself.”
Shadow grinned. “It’s out?”
“You got it out.” Marcus picked it up and showed her. “It’s a male. Almost four pounds.”
Shadow let out a sigh of relief. “It still smells like the underside of a crypt.”
“Yeah, it stinks, but it’s perfect. Beautiful purple lines. Nice black sac.” Marcus walked over to a rack he had built to hold the sacs and placed it in one of the slots.
“What is that?” Shadow asked.
“A sac rack. In case I can’t get to a rookery in time,” Marcus said.
Shadow laughed.
“This room doesn’t have any windows,” Marcus said. “So, I was able to create a rack just for this type of situation.”
“When the sacs won’t wait,” Shadow said.
“Right. How’s your second sac?”
“He’s not ready yet,” Shadow said.
“Well, I have the chair built.” He lifted Shadow off the floor and placed her in the chair. “How’s that?”
“Comfortable,” Shadow said.
Marcus walked over to a sink and washed and dried his hands. Then, he walked back to Shadow and felt her abdomen. “He’s still in there.”
“I don’t feel him moving,” Shadow said.
Marcus slid his hands down her abdomen. “He’s pulsing.”
“I don’t think he’s ready,” Shadow said.
“Is the pressure gone?” Marcus asked.
“Mostly,” Shadow said.
“Let me call the doctor,” Marcus said. He left the expellation room to grab his cell phone. Then, he called the homeless shelter.
“Homeless shelter,” Charles said.
“Is the doctor busy?” Maarcus asked.
“Little bit. Do you need something?”
“Shadow is… having her babies,” Marcus said.
“Oh, is it not going well?” Charles asked.
“One seems stalled,” Marcus said. “Could I please talk to the doctor?”
“Of course.”
Marcus heard Charles walking then telling Dr. Jones that there was a birth emergency.”
“I’m here, Marcus. What’s going on?” Dr. Jones asked.
“Shadow had her first, but she says the second isn’t moving,” Marcus said.
“Okay. Just relax. Is she in pain?”
“No, she’s not in any pain,” Marcus said.
Dr. Jones thought for a moment. “Try massaging her abdomen. Sometimes when it’s twins, the second needs a little stimulation. I’ll wait.”
Marcus set the phone down. “He says to try massage.”
“Okay, cause it’s still not moving,” Shadow said. “Usually, they move themselves.”
“I know. I’ve got the doctor on the phone.” Marcus applied gentle pressure to her abdomen. “Try to relax.”
Shadow purred. “That feels good.” She relaxed then made a surprised sound. “He’s coming.”
Marcus let out a sound of relief. He picked up the phone. “She says he’s on his way.”
“I’ll stay on the line,” Dr. Jones said.
Marcus set the phone down and continued to massage Shadow’s abdomen.
Shadow moaned and writhed. “He feels like he’s coming.”
Marcus looked between her legs. “He’s coming.” He could see the edges of the sac.
Shadow gripped the arms of the chair. “Marcus!” She screamed and shook.
“He’s out.” Marcus caught the sac and put it on the rack. He walked over and washed his hands before picking up his phone. “Thank you. She got him out.”
“If you need me for anything else, I’ll be here till two,” Dr. Jones said. “Congratulations, dad.”
Marcus grinned. “We’ll call if we need anything else.” He ended the call.
“How big was the second?” Shadow asked.
“Little smaller than the first. I think that’s why he stalled,” Marcus said. “Do you feel like you have any more?”
“No. I think they’re all out,” Shadow said.
“Just rest for a minute. I’m going to get a rookery,” Marcus said. He handed Shadow his phone. “Call Alera and brag. I’ll be right back.”
Shadow laughed. She dialed Alera as Marcus walked out of the room.
“Marcus?” Alera said.
“Shadow.”
“Oh, how are you?” Alera asked. “We’re just about ready to head over. Sorry, we’re running late.”
“It’s okay. I just expelled,” Shadow said.
“You had your sacs?” Alera asked.
“I did. Two more. Marcus is going to get the rookery,” Shadow said.
“I”m not quite ready, but we think tomorrow night or the next,” Alera said. “How did it go?”
“Not as smooth,” Shadow said. “One failed to move.”
“Are you okay?”
“I’m okay,” Shadow said.
“Oliver just finished what he’s doing and I’m no where near expelling. We’ll be right over to help,” Alera said.
Shadow ended the call just as Marcus walked into the room. “They’re on their way.”
“Alera is worried,” Marcus said.
“She is,” Shadow said.
“Well, she can help you take a bath,” Marcus said.
“I don’t need a bath. I can take a shower with you,” Shadow said.
“I want you to take a bath and relax,” Marcus said. “You got stressed.” He put the new sacs in the rookery.
“I was not stressed,” Shadow said.
“Yes, you were,” Marcus said just as he heard the front door open. “They ran.”
“Marcus, we’re here,” Oliver said.
“Upstairs. Last room,” Marcus said.
Oliver and Alera ran up the stairs. Oliver opened the door to see Marcus with a rookery and Shadow in an elaborate chair. “How can we help?”
“Shadow needs a bath,” Marcus said.
“I’ll get a bath started and be right back,” Alera said.
“So, two more sons, Marcus?” Oliver asked.
“I think so.” He motioned to the rookery.
Oliver peered inside. “Very nice. Those look great.” He waved his hand in front of his face. “Extra ripe though.”
Marcus closed the rookery. “Yeah, those are extra-stinky, but they look the best so far.”
“I agree with that. Those are some amazing sacs,” Oliver said. “Do you guys need food?”
“There’s food downstairs,” Marcus said.
“Well, you look like you skipped breakfast,” Oliver said. “I’ll be right back.”
Shadow looked at Marcus. “Did you skip dinner too?”
“I might have,” Marcus said.
Shadow huffed. “You know we can eat as much as we want. We have a replicator.”
“I know. I was preoccupied,” Marcus said. He leaned down and kissed her. “But I need considerably less food than you.”
“You still need to eat,” Shadow said.
“I have food.” Oliver walked into the room and handed Marcus two Umbra Ones. Then, he handed Shadow two Umbra Ones.
Marcus drained both of his. He licked his fangs. “Thank Hades for friends.”
“Didn’t realize how hungry you were, did you?” Oliver asked.
“I did not,” Marcus said.
Shadow drained one of her Umbra Ones. “Full.” She handed the other one to Marcus.
Marcus drained it. “Apparently, I was starving.”
“I thought you looked a little pale,” Oliver said.
“I’m fine now,” Marcus said.
“Bath is ready.” Alera walked over to Shadow and helped her out of the chair. She looked at Marcus. “You’re not smelling very clean either.”
“I’m going to take a shower,” Marcus said. “But I want Shadow in a bath so she’ll calm down.”
“I'll get started on some distillations in the barn,” Oliver said.
“I’ll join you as soon as I don’t smell like sac,” Marcus said.
“Are we staying home tonight?” Shadow asked.
“We are,” Marcus said.
Alera led Shadow out of the expellary room and down to the master bathroom.
“Is he mad?” Shadow asked.
“No,” Alera said as she helped Shadow into the bath.
“Alera.”
“He’s not mad at you,” Alera said as she grabbed a washcloth and lathered it. “He doesn’t want to run into his ex.”
“Oh,” Shadow said. “I couldn’t tell.”
Alera started gently scrubbing Shadow. “He’s probably keeping it out of the bond. It’s in his surface thoughts.” She scrubbed shadow’s front. “Lean forward.”
Shadow leaned forward.
Alera scrubbed her back. “He just wants to do things here tonight. Make sure you’re comfortable. Start a new distillation.”
Marcus knocked on the doorframe. “Can I take a shower?”
“You can. She’s in the bath,” Alera said.
Marcus walked in and started the shower. He turned around and stepped to Shadow's head. He leaned down and kissed her.
“You want to tell Shadow why you’re mad?” Alera asked.
Marcus sighed. “Did she ask?”
“She did,” Alera said. “You’re keeping it from her. Not that I want to pry.”
“It’s okay,” Marcus said. “It’s hard to keep secrets when you’re Bonded and your best friends are telepathic.”
“I know you’re mad,” Shadow said. “I just can’t tell why.”
“It’s not you or the sacs,” Marcus said. “I’m still angry with my previous Bonded. I will eventually deal with her, but not tonight.” He stepped into the shower.
Alera handed Shadow the washcloth. “Clean between your legs. Gently.”
“Shit. I need to feed her so she’ll heal,” Marcus said as he washed.
“She’s okay. She can still wash that area,” Alera said.
Shadow washed and handed the cloth back.
“Stand and let me see,” Alera said.
Shadow huffed and stood out of the water. “It’s cold.”
“I know.” Alera examined her. “You are so bad at washing. Hold still.” Alera went over the area then looked again. “Okay, you can sit back down.”
“I usually wash her,” Marcus said as he stepped under the shower to rinse.
“She managed to miss all the gunk,” Alera said as she grabbed the shampoo and washed Shadow’s hair.
“I’m pretty sure her house on Umbra had an automated shower,” Marcus said.
“What’s an automated shower?” Alera asked.
“It had specific spray jets for everything. You step inside, and it sprays you clean,” Marcus said. “From her memories, she had a fairly advanced house. This low-level technology confuses her.”
“Oh my goodness,” Alera said as she finished washing Shadow’s hair. She turned on the faucet. “Rinse.”
Shadow stuck her head under the faucet.
Alera made sure her hair was thoroughly rinsed of soap. “I think you’re done.” She helped Shadow out of the bath, then grabbed two towels. She wrapped one around Shadow and another around her hair. “We’re all clean.”
Marcus stepped out of the shower after turning off the water. He wrapped a towel around his waist.
“Marcus, can I talk to you about something? In private?” Alera asked.
“I already know what you’re going to ask. The answer is no,” Marcus said.
“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask,” Alera said.
“Yes, I do. You haven’t had your sacs. You’re concerned about their growth, and you know that four-thousand year old seed would help,” Marcus said. “I’m not doing it.”
Alera sighed. “How do you know all that?”
“It’s all over your face. I may not have telepathy, but I know expressions,” Marcus said.
“I am concerned. I don’t think Oliver’s seed is strong enough.”
Marcus looked at Shadow. She looked like she was going to cry. “Go put on one of your little dresses and go help Oliver.”
“But...”
“Go help Oliver. You’re still sensitive after expelling your sacs,” Marcus said. He waited until she left the bathroom. “That’s a really mean thing to ask me in front of Shadow.”
“I didn’t want to hide anything,” Alera said.
“I can appreciate that thought,” Marcus said. “And I understand your dilemma.”
“I want these sacs healthy, Marcus,” Alera said.
“And I want my clan, but I promised her I wouldn’t stick my mutto in you,” Marcus said.
“Well, can I just have the seed?” Alera asked.
“How?” Marcus asked.
“In a cup?”
Marcus ran his hands down his face. “You’re putting me in a terrible position.”
“I know. I’m sorry. I’ll drop it,” Alera said.
Marcus contemplated. “I’ll help you but not in that way.” He held out his wrist. “Take a bite.”
“How will that help?” Alera asked.
“It’s seeding and feeding,” Marcus said. “It’ll help.”
Alera walked over and sank her fangs into Marcus’ wrist.
“Take a couple good swallows,” Marcus said.
Alera took three swallows and released his wrist. She licked her fangs. “You’re incredible.”
“It’s four-thousand year old blood,” Marcus said. “How do you feel now?”
“Better,” Alera said.
“Don’t ask me again,” Marcus said. “I consider my seed and my blood for Shadow.”
“I understand. Thank you,” Alera said. She walked out of the bathroom.
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The Venery of Bigfoot 5 (Naughty Reads)
Kitty and Marc are on a mission to create bigfoot birth control before everyone male who took a betaism injection gets their girlfriends and wives pregnant. They're hoping a trip to Kitty's grandma's house will provide the information they need, especially if grandpa bigfoot is still alive.
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Chapter 1 – Finding Grandma
Kitty rolled over onto Marc. She expected to feel fur. Then, she remembered they kept him shaved.
“You okay?” Marc asked as he opened his eyes. She didn’t seem to be laying on him correctly.
“Yeah,” Kitty said. “I expected hair.”
Marc chuckled. “That’s all gone. It’d probably take me a month to regrow it.”
“It’s okay,” Kitty said. “I think I was asleep.”
“I think you’re still asleep,” Marc said. He pulled her against his body. “It’s still early.”
Kitty settled against him and fell back asleep.
Marc let her sleep another hour. He was just about to get out of bed and feed Little Fuzzy when he heard feet running down the hall.
Kitty opened her eyes. “Was that Little Fuzzy chanting ‘fish’ down the hall?”
“It was,” Marc said.
Kitty laughed. “I guess we better get down there.”
Ten minutes later, they were dressed and walking into the dining room. Little Fuzzy was eating his fish and berries.
“I managed to find him a fish for breakfast,” Mary said.
“You made his day,” Marc said as he sat down at the table.
“What’s he wearing?” Kitty asked as she sat across from Marc.
“A little pair of sweatpants,” Mary said. “Can’t have him running around with his doodle out.”
Kitty and Marc both laughed.
“Well, probably best he gets used to wearing clothes now rather than later,” Marc said. “Did you manage to get him into some shorts?”
“No. He didn’t like the shorts. I’ll have to find some softer ones next time I get to town,” Mary said. “But he didn’t complain during his bath, and did he did put on the sweatpants.”
“How are the other two?” Marc asked.
“Washed and fed. I found some blocks for them to play with,” Mary said as she placed their plates in front of them.
Kitty ate her scrambled eggs, bacon, toast and potatoes o’brian. “Has anyone looked outside?”
“It’s bad. It’s still snowing. The news said it’d snow all day,” Mary said.
“This place has a generator, right?” Kitty asked.
“A big one,” Mary said. “And about two-thousand gallons of gas.”
“That’ll run for a while,” Kitty said.
“A month,” Mary said. “Little bit longer really.”
“How do they refill the tank?” Kitty asked.
“They roll a truck like the ones you see at the gas station up to the tank,” Mary said.
“Damn,” Kitty said.
“It’s seamless. Once the power goes out, we flip a switch. The generator fires, and everything comes back on,” Mary said.
Kitty finished eating. “Well, sounds like we’ll be fine. I guess I’ll go downstairs and work on this project.”
“I’ll take the fuzzies out to play in the snow,” Marc said.
Kitty stood and started to walk out of the dining room.
“Were you going to track down your grandma?” Marc asked.
“Yes. Thanks for reminding me. I’ll do that first,” Kitty said. She walked upstairs and grabbed her address book from on top of the dresser and flipped through it. She had no idea if she had up-to-date information for her grandma. Kitty hadn’t talked to her in years. If she had a cell phone number, there was a chance it still worked. If it was a landline, she knew there’d be no chance. The last time they’d talked was before she moved to Florida.
Kitty found two numbers under her grandmother’s name – Ester Adroit. Kitty studied both numbers. The top number was the one she usually called, and she didn’t remember writing down the bottom number. Kitty picked up her cell phone and dialed the top number. A man answered. “Yes, is Ester Adroit there?”
“I’m sorry. You have the wrong number,” he said.
“Thank you.” Kitty ended the call and dialed the second number. It rang six times before a man answered. Kitty inwardly cursed. If she had two bad numbers, it was going to be hell tracking down her grandmother. “Yes, I’m trying to reach Ester Adroit.”
“She’s right here. Who may I say is calling?” he asked.
“Kitty Adroit.” She heard the phone being passed.
“Kitty, is it really you?” Ester asked.
“It is,” Kitty said. “Was that your new boyfriend?”
Ester laughed. “Sorta. Anyway, how are you?”
“I’m good,” Kitty said. “I realized we hadn’t talked in forever, so thought I’d give you a call.”
“I’m glad to hear from you,” Ester said. “But I know you. You can’t just be calling to chat.”
“Well, I thought I might like to visit. I have a new fiance I’d like you to meet,” Kitty said. She noticed a strange paused, and it sounded like her grandma had put her hand over the mic. “Grandma?”
“That would be wonderful. When do you plan to visit?” she asked.
“Soon. Like within the next week,” Kitty said.
“Of course. Let me give you my address.”
Kitty wrote down the address in her contacts book. “Got it.”
“Do you know what day?” Ester asked.
“Not yet, but I’ll call when we leave,” Kitty said. “It’s snowing up here, so as soon as the snow melts, we’ll be on our way.”
“I haven't had to deal with snow in years,” Ester said. “You’ll love it down here. It warm and peaceful.”
“Sounds great. I’ve been dealing with nothing but snow for months,” Kitty said. “First in the mountains and now here.”
“The mountains...”
“Yeah. It was for work,” Kitty said. “I’ll tell you all about it when we get there.”
“Well, I’ll see you when you get here,” Ester said.
Kitty ended the call. She had a weird feeling. Her grandma had paused too many times. Kitty put on her socks and shoes and found her jacket and gloves before walking out of the master bedroom, down the stairs and out the back door.
She started to look for Marc and the cubs then laughed. The little cubs were buried in the snow and Marc was building some sort of snow hill while Little Fuzzy was packing snow on with his hands in an attempt to help. “What are you doing?”
“Playing snow fort,” Marc said. “This is the main building.”
Kitty walked over and looked down at the little cubs. They were about half the size of Little Fuzzy. “Can they move? How many layers are they wearing?”
“Sorta, and six,” Marc said.
Kitty picked one up and put it on its feet. It squealed and waddled over to the snow pile. Kitty did the same this the other one. “They can walk.”
“A little bit,” Marc said.
“Small Fuzz!” Little Fuzzy pointed to the younger cubs. “Big Fuzz.” He pointed to himself.
“What am I?” Marc asked.
Little Fuzzy inhaled and spread his arms all the way out. “Huge No Fuzz!”
Kitty laughed. “He doesn’t know you’re shaved.”
“He’s too little to remember the cliff dwellings,” Marc said. He turned to look at Little Fuzzy. “Are you going to show the other two how to put snow on?”
“Fuzzy help!”
Marc walked over to Kitty and kissed her while Little Fuzzy walked over to the pile of snow and started showing the other two cubs how to put snow on the sides of the hill. “He’s really coming along.”
“Is he talking your ear off?” Kitty asked.
“He’s trying,” Marc said. “He told me all about his bath this morning and his… F. I. S. H.”
Kitty grinned. “Well, I got a hold of my grandma.”
“Does she feel like company?” Marc asked.
“She said to come on down,” Kitty said. “But it was a weird call. A man answered the phone. Kinda sounded like grandpa. I asked if she had a new boyfriend, and she dodged the question.”
“I’m not surprised,” Marc said. “What else was weird?”
“She paused several times, like she was talking to him but didn’t want me to hear,” Kitty said.
“Not surprised. If he’s still alive, they’re probably trying to figure out how to have you down for a visit and keep him hidden,” Marc said. “And they can try, but it won’t work. Bigfoots have a smell, no matter how much they wash.”
“I don’t smell anything different about you,” Kitty said. “I didn’t in the forest either.”
“You’re not paying attention to it,” Marc said. “It’s not a huge smell either, so it’s easily ignored unless you know what you’re smelling.”
They both turned their heads when Little Fuzzy started yelling.
“Oopse. They got avalanched.” Kitty ran over and dug Little Fuzzy out while Marc dug out the other two. She picked up Little Fuzzy. “I think it’s time to go inside.”
“So do I. I have these guys,” Marc said.
Kitty walked inside with Little Fuzzy. “We need hot chocolates all around.”
“I’m on it,” Mary said as she pulled out a pan.
Kitty sat Little Fuzzy in a kitchen chair and took off his socks. All four pairs of them. “I guess he needs some shoes.”
“Yeah, I didn’t have any shoes to put on him,” Marc said. “Not the other two either, so I just put on a lot of socks.”
“I can get shoes when I go into town,” Mary said as she took the milk out of the fridge.
“Milk!” Little Fuzzy reached for the jug even though he was nowhere near it.
“It’s going to be warm milk. Wait for warm milk?” Kitty asked.
“Oh,” Little Fuzzy said then nodded.
She felt his feet. “He’s warm.”
“These two are fine,” Marc said as he finished taking off their clothes. “Do you need to work?”
“I do,” Kitty said. “But you can join me.”
“I think I’ll do that,” Marc said.
“I’ll look after these guys, and I’ll bring your hot chocolates down,” Mary said.
“Thanks,” Kitty said. She walked downstairs to her lab with Marc.
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The Lumberjack and His Wood (Naughty Reads)
Jane Woodland is on a hiking trip to clear her mind and determine what to do next with her life when she wanders off the trail to find some purple-leaved trees. Unfortunately, she wonders so far off the trail, she gets lost. Luckily, there's a lumberjack cutting down trees. She locates him by the sound of his chainsaw, hoping he can give her directions back to the trail, but it's getting late. After traveling to his cabin for the night, she quickly discovers the trees aren’t the only things with big wood.
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The Lumberjack and his Wood - sample
Chapter 1 - Camping and Hiking
Jane Woodland finished setting up her tent and campsite. She had all the latest luxury camping amenities. A portable bathroom. Shower. And kitchen. And she’d brought plenty of food in a cooler. She needed a break. As the head advertising exec at a major fortune 500 company, the work was overwhelming, so much so that she hadn’t had time for herself in over five years, much less an actual vacation away from the city. She was lucky to be able to get in a spa day on the weekend without getting interrupted by work. In fact, if she had a fucking dollar for all the times her boss had interrupted her on a day off and demanded she go into the office, she’d own a much bigger house!
She was sick of it. Of course, the money was good. She made over six figures a year, and it was high sixes, but still. She needed a break and worked it out with her boss. She’d get three weeks off, and Jane intended to spend them in the woods away from everything. She even brought a rifle in case she had to hunt and forage.
Thankfully, one of her hobbies was hunting and rifle shooting. Not that she had gotten much time to do either one in the last five years, but she knew how to prepare small game and turn it into food. Though, she’d brought a massive cooler, so she didn’t expect to have to hunt.
Jane laid back in her tent cot. She was reasonably clean for just having setup the entire camp. She’d washed her hands in the bathroom. She had a sink that was fed from a large jug of water and a composting toilet. She planned to go hiking and view the nature and trees. This area was known for its rare purple leaved trees, and she wanted to see a few before making dinner and settling in for the night.
She’d stopped for a hamburger and french fries and gotten a few bags of chips, some Cokes and a couple cases of beer at the last small town before her destination. The prices were higher than she liked, but it was her fault for not remembering to get those things in the city.
She stretched and sat up. If she wanted to go hiking, now was not the time for a nap. Jane grabbed her camera and a small bag with some granola bars and water. She stood and walked out of her tent then zipped it shut to prevent any wildlife from entering it. She didn’t need to wake up with a snake in her bed or a raccoon munching on her trail mix.
Jane hefted her bag onto her back and walked to the trailhead. This was Mountain Pass 1, a ten-mile circular trek that would take her slightly behind her campsite, but she thought she’d still be able to see her tent upon exiting the trail on the other side. The purple trees were supposed to be on this route.
She had a lot of thinking to do. She was over thirty. Single, and no kids. This wasn’t how she saw her life. All work and no play, family or friends. It was depressing. She couldn’t maintain a relationship for longer than six months, and her last relationship had imploded. She thought she’d have a family by now, and if she waited much longer, it wasn’t going to happen. But no male had been able to tolerate her work schedule. Hell, she wasn’t even sure when she’d find time to go to a doctor, much less have some damned babies. Having it all wasn’t as damned easy as it sounded. She had her job and money, but that was all she had. It wasn’t enough.
Jane hiked the trail. It was interesting. The trees were huge, not at all like the ones in the city. They had large trunks, long limbs and plenty of leaves, but the trees at this end were green. Jane was going to be pissed if the brochures lied, and there were no purple leaved trees.
Jane checked her watch. She’d spent a lot of time taking pictures of the bushes and flowers and thinking. She planned to do a full expose` on her trip to the mountain forests once she got home. Jane didn’t mind nature. In fact, she loved to be outdoors. If she thought she could make a living blogging about her outdoor adventures, she would have quit her job yesterday. Unfortunately, she didn't know how much articles about outdoor experiences were worth, and she didn't know the first thing about creating a website. Though, she supposed she could learn.
It was almost five in the evening. She needed to get back to her campsite and make dinner. Looking for the trees would have to wait until tomorrow morning.
She arrived back at her campsite just after six. Hamburgers and french fries sounded like a good dinner, so she pulled out her skillet and camp deep fryer.
Her propane camp stove didn’t take long to cook the hamburgers, and by the time they were done, her french fries were done. She dressed up her hamburger with lettuce, tomato, onion, jalapenos, cheese and mayonnaise before adding ketchup to her plate and sitting down at her pop-up picnic table to eat.
It was dark by the time she finished, but all she had to do was press a button on her phone, and her camp lit itself. The tent came with lights that were app controlled.
She washed the dishes then took a quick shower in her camp shower before heading into her tent to relax and sleep.